i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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