Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
