And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
