even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
