Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
