I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
