My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
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