This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
