I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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