I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
