Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
