I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
