9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
