I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
