I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
