I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
