Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
