After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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