I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
