my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
