No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
