She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
