i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
