The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
