i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
