Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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