Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
