This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Farmville is her only friend.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
