That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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