Plan B is the new Plan A
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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