From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
