you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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