and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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