we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
