I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
