Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i barfeds in our rink
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
