Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
