I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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