On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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