your room smells of hookers.
And success
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
