i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
