i may or may not be watching the land before time
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
