Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
