No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
