I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
