Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
