My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
