just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
