In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
