jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
