margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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