I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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