Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
