We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
