I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
